Normally Fall is one of my all time favorite times of the year, I just love everything about it. The change of the colors, the smells of the kitchen, the warmth of the clothes and foods. The excitement of Halloween and the coming of all the family gatherings. But this year I am having trouble letting go of the warm days, I am hating all the wet in the earth and I am not feeling excited by the idea of gatherings. I feel as though I am falling into fall, rather clumsily I might add.
I know it is because I am still trying to find my own way through a maze in which I am unfamiliar. It is partly because the world seems to make so much less sense these days, not just because of my own struggles that I am going through but because of what we as a country seem to be going through. We are in some very uncharted water where the accepted is being challenged and for very good reason. We are seeing people we thought we could look up to, wavering in their morals and forsaking us. People we though of as friends, become strangers by where they seem to stand on issues they never knew we have kept as secrets because of shame that we should have never felt was ours to bear. This is a time of change and turmoil. Not just in the country and media but in many of our personal lives, including my own. It can be very unsettling, painful and lonely. But I wanted you to know, you are not alone, we are not alone and we are stronger than this moment.
Life sometimes sends you down roads you have never traveled without a map. Hopefully you learn how to be a better driver and a more patient passenger. I realize this seems as though it has nothing at all to do with my art and business, except that it actually does. As an artist, my mind influences my art in what I create and my ability to be able to create. I find some days I can't stop creating. It helps me think and I burn myself fiercely into my work, hoping to find clarity somewhere within the work. Other days, I feel nothing at all and can't find a shred of inspiration to create or to understand what in the world makes sense. This is the blessing and the curse of an artistic brain I suppose. Not that I am naive enough to believe an inartistic brain does not suffer a similar fate, I do believe it does. It is just a different kind of sorting through that happens. But this is where I am, at the moment and how my artwork comes along for the ride.
So what does this all mean to me. It means that I am still working, growing, changing and evolving, like everyone else out there. I am learning patience I had forgotten how to show, finding immense strength I never knew I had, and becoming ok in the skin I own, as mine, as beautiful, as worthy of respect and accept nothing less. It means showing others to find these qualities within themselves. It means accepting all diversities as beautiful and marvelous and wondrous. It means feeling adventurous and curious again. It means I will try to see this falling simply as a jumping off point to begin flying. I will use this growth to fuel my art and work into a new life of it's own and allow myself the time and patience to fail as I try new things. It means that I hope to find peace and other kindred spirits who can help me make sense of the madness. To bring back that hope and common decency to a lost world.
It means trying with all my heart to fall in love with Fall again.
May your own Fall be a journey of peace, let your struggles be paths that lead to a place of learning and as always be patient and kind to yourself.
PS. I would like to invite you to send me stories,feelings or comments on your own journeys in the comments section.
Much love to you,
I am an artist/small business owner and I wanted to share with you the struggles we face in this business and an inside view of what we are really thinking sometimes in our crazy, creative minds. As well as the usual stuff, ie newsletters and updates.